Hodgmanalia

Happy October 31. Here's a description of this fine holiday for those who don't know, according to John Hodgman, Unreliable Expert on Most Things (and author of "More Information than you Require"):

"OCTOBER 31, HALLOWE’EN (apostrophe not generally pronounced.) Originally called Samhain, this is the traditional Pagan-American holiday in which we ask our children to ponder the fragility of life by dressing them in darkly colored costumes and vision-impairing masks and encouraging them to walk around in the road."

Note to my readership: I am undergoing a period of John Hodgman ecstacy. Please accept my apologies if I nudge all conversation Hodgmanward for while.

Forget Hodgman as PC, or even Hodgman on the Daily Show (which doesn't quite work). I knew he had something going on back in the winter of 2006 when, as "The Deranged Millionaire," he talked about "challenging the estate of Marvin Gaye to a 5K road race" (TMBG Podcast 3A):

Cecil: We can just keep it loose.

The Deranged Millionaire: Okay.

C: So we're, uh, going satellite in about 20 seconds.

TDM: Check, check. This is The Deranged Millionaire, broadcasting from my personal state-of-the-art---

C: We can hear it. We can hear it just fine.

TDM: Can you hear me?

C: So we're going on in five seconds.

TDM: That's fine, just as soon as we can get it over with.

C: Alright. Welcome back. My name's Cecil, I'm your host, it's 45 degrees outside our studio. It's time to play Six Questions. Our guest today is no stranger to fans of They Might Be Giants, he's the narrator of the Venue Songs DVD. The Deranged Millionaire is here with us today, we wanna welcome you via satellite, and welcome to the show.

TDM: Well, it is a contractual obligation.

C: My first question has got to be, 'Do you get tired of being called a Millionaire?'

(long pause)

TDM: Would you? I enjoy being a millionaire very much. Main-mainly on the account of the millions of dollars that I own. It reminds me of my wealth.

C: The other question I've gotta ask you... Do you feel offended when people call you a Deranged Millionaire?

TDM: Yeah well I once had a real traditional first and last name like most normal people back when I was a...a Sane Thousandaire.

C: One thing that a lot of guests on Six Questions have in common is they've had a Batman-like experience...

TDM: Uh, but you know, the sad the thing is that as you may or may not know once you become a millionaire, you don't have any real friends anymore. People just like you for your money. And, as I'm sure you definitely know, it's the same thing with derangement, people love to hang around with the deranged guy. Ladies love derangement, but they don't really know your heart. So if you're both deranged and a millionaire, you can understand why that would be doubly lonely. And after a while, I just didn't see any reason to continue on with my original name, and simply became what I was, a deranged millionaire, period. It's seemed more honest somehow. Go on with your next question, please.

C: Uh, before we went up on the satellite, we were talking in here. Now you challenged They Might Be Giants, and we were wondering if there is uh, any other bands, or people that you had made deranged challenges to.

TDM: As you point out, on the Venue Songs DVD, I challenge They Might Be Giants to create a new original song for each venue they performed in. Now, they fulfilled that challenge much to my anger and dismay, and appropriately I had to fulfill my end of the bargain, and appear on the DVD and do certain promotional spots, such as this one - I'm not very happy about it, but I am a deranged millionaire of my word. In the past, though, I've been a little bit more lucky. For example, I challenged Greg Allman to cut off his hair and sell it for a gold watch chain.

C: Now for our listeners, that's Greg Allman of the Allman Brothers B-Band.

TDM: Yes, that's accurate. That worked out very well for me, I got a beautiful gold watch chain. Recently I challenged the estate of Marvin Gaye to a-a 15K road race, which I'm glad to say I won, and as a result I control the rights to Marvin Gaye's likeness and image now.

C: Really.

TDM: Yeah, you've probably seen him on some Hennessy billboards, that money is flowing... directly to me, Marvin Gaye is now posthumously shilling for Hennessy. And in the next couple weeks, you'll see him in a series of Bed, Bath & Beyond ads, and we digitally reanimate Marvin Gaye as he walks through Bed, Bath & Beyond, and you know, says some words on behalf of the company. It's not Marvin Gaye's voice, because, well, he didn't say anything about Bed, Bath & Beyond in this life, so I had to dub it in.

C: But, you'll have to forgive me for jumping in here, but I've gotta pay some bills as they say. You are listening to They Might Be Giants podcast 3A, uh, this is Six Questions with our special guest The Deranged Millionaire.

TDM: A-appearing out of contractual obligation.

C: We were talking about music, your musical influences. Now, is there anybody else... is there any other influences for you besides Marvin Gaye?

TDM: Well, I'm not... I'm not a musician, I mean, like most cultured people, I was trained at an early age to play the viola, but then, y'know, I very wisely... y'know I, I smashed that thing to bits when I reached thirteen. I was done with it. It was uh, keeping me from reaching my higher potential.

C: I'm glad you brought that up, because I think a lot of our listeners would be interested in your higher potential program. Could you tell us about the higher potential program?

TDM: Well, it's a combination of motivational cassette tapes, and various kits I send out to people to help them reach their higher potential. You know, the thing is that most people want to be happy and successful in life, but they're wrong. What they need to be is deranged, and worth millions of dollars. And my higher potential program helps them to reach that by these motivational cassette tapes, and uh, as well, kits that they can use. I can send them lathering soaps, and various different kinds of um, headsets and uh, recordings; I'm doing a hypnotic podcast. Now, for subscribers, if you pay me the money I'll give you the website and you hear me recording hypnotic series of numbers that help you reach your higher potential. And of course, everybody gets a viola they can smash themselves as part of the initiation rite.

C: Hypnotic podcast.

TDM: Yes that's right, a hypnotic series of numbers that helps you reach your own potential - higher potential.

C: All right, well, it's time to wrap things up. At Six Questions, we have a tradition here; we like to end the interviews with a question Jann Wenner liked to end his interviews at Rolling Stone with. If you were to die, what would you like the angels in heaven to say about you?

TDM: Okay, for various legal reasons and agreements with the cryogenic company that's going to freeze my head when I die, I can't actually answer that question. Instead, I have a prepared statement that I'd like to read.

C: All right.

TDM: Begin transmission. Four, nine, three, two, nine. Six, nine, twenty three, forty seven. Nine, three, twenty three, ninety two. End transmission.

C: All right. We want to thank our guest The Deranged Millionaire for being on Six Questions today. Get back to the regular podcast, you're listening to They Might Be Giants podcast 3A, and thank you again.